Kubler-Ross vs. Harmon Models of Grief

Kubler-Ross' 1969 model of grief is too strict.  Here is my alternative.

I don't see grief as being in stages.  I see it as being circular or in a cycle.  I can go back and forth between acceptance and depression.

"What The Hell Was That?"

"What the hell was that?" That was the topic of one of my last papers during the last fall semester of my undergraduate career. 

Dear Friend...

Congratulations, friend. I edited this several times because I keep having things to say that I want to express publicly.

Thank you for being a Conrad, partner in crime, shoulder, crutch, brother, father, uncle, and friend when I needed one. I know I can be the biggest pain the ass known to man, and you have been the brunt of all of my problems lately.  For that, I apologize.  Please know that I love you, and that God loves you.  Read here what Proverbs 12:26 says about finding friends, "One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor."  Friend, you have been a guide to me.  You have inspired me to not give up on music when I wanted to so badly for a while.

But Friend, friendship doesn't come without playful competitiveness.  Paul writes in Romans, "Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor."

In my recent bouts of negativity, you have shown to me that even though I feel alone, you are with me always, just like Job's friends were with him when Satan did all those nasty things to him. "Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him."

I would sacrifice my life for you, Friend.  "Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

You keep me strong. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)

You are my brother. "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17)

But Friend, remember that there is someone who loves you more than I, and that is God.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16).

Friend, in conclusion, I just want to let you know how much you warm the deepest cockles of my heart.  Missing you is going to bring about a great wretched pain deep in the bowels of my gut that will take a long time to heal.

I'm not going to say Goodbye because that implies that our relationship is over and done for.  Instead, I want to say this.  See ya in a few!!!!

___________________
After I posted this, I just so happen to look at the Bible verse in the lower left hand corner.  This is what it was.

I Had A Black Dog, And His Name Was Depression

I want each and every one of you to watch this.  I want you to watch this if you suffer from depression, know someone who has depression, or don't even know what depression is.  Thanks to my friend who shared this with me on Facebook.

Love Is....

A friend posted this on Facebook.

"The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they’re out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake."

This is important.

"Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship."
– The Great Kamryn

“Are you listening to me? Really listening?”: Reading Log #3

[This paper was written for the Synoptic Gospels class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]
Jesse Harmon

RELIG 330

November 11, 2013

“Are You Listening To Me?  Really Listening?” Reading Log #3

            As promised in my last reading log, I was going to do this one by starting off by reading the Gospel of Luke.  I realized that as I read through the three gospels, I tended to write down more about what caught my eye when I first started reading the gospels, then when I finished reading them.  I wrote more about Matthew and Mark than I did about Luke.  So this time, I started with Luke.  My theory was proven again.  I wrote a lot about Luke and Matthew, but the page I reserved for writing notes about Mark is barren.

Close Reading: The Transfiguration

[This paper was written for the Synoptic Gospels class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

Jesse Harmon

RELIG 330

October 28, 2013

The Transfiguration

            All three synoptic gospels have the account of Jesus’ transfiguration in them.  The Transfiguration was the point where Jesus literally “transformed” his image in front of Peter, John, and James.  For this analysis, I am using The Living Bible translation.  Later on in the paper, I will perform what Thomas Jefferson did and clip all three gospels apart, and put them together in the order I think would work the best as telling the story of the Transfiguration.

From The Book of Psalms: What I Sometimes Feel

From the book of Psalms:

Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God.  Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. (4:1)

Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. (5:2)

Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. (6:2

O Lord, my God, if I have done this and there is guilt on my hands-if I have done evil to him who is at peace with me or without cause have robbed my foe -- then let my enemy pursue me and overtake me; let him trample my life to the ground and make me sleep in the dust. (7:3-5)

Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? (10:1)

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face form me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? (13:1-2)

Reading Log #2

Jesse Harmon

RELIG 330

October 14, 2013

Reading Log #2

            I decided that since I was reading the synoptic gospels in the King James Version of the Bible, I wasn’t going to focus on reading the gospels as a specific implied reader, or even focus on specific aspects.  (I will not refer to this version as the Authorized Version, to avoid confusing who authorized it, since no records exist as to who actually authorized it.)  Instead, I was going to focus on what I think the Lord has told me to pay attention to (what I would highlight or underline).  I read all through Matthew, Mark, and Luke.  For some reason, I caught more out of Matthew than I did for Mark and Luke.  I guess since all three gospels have similar arrangements, the things that caught my attention in Matthew probably would have caught my attention in Mark or Luke, had I started with Mark or Luke.

Social Networking Pastors

[This paper was written for the Ministry in Congregations class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

Jesse Harmon

RELIG 180

October 10, 2013

Social Networking Pastors

            I’m slightly disturbed that there is a closed group on Facebook called ELCA Clergy: Uncensored.  You can see a screenshot (censored, of course) on another page.  You can see that it has nearly 700 clergy on it.  When you type “ELCA” into the search bar on Facebook, the ELCA Clergy: Uncensored page is the third on the list in numbers.  I’m not a disgruntled ELCA clergy, so I’m not allowed on the page.  I can’t help but imagine the hate that is on that page. 

Reading Log 1

[This paper was written for the Synoptic Gospels class at Capital University, where I am currently seeking a minor degree in religion.]

Jesse Harmon

RELIG 330

September 16, 2013

Reading Log #1: Styles

            I’ve noticed the writing styles of the three synoptic gospels are very different from each other.  I’ve seen Matthew as being a persuasive letter to the Jewish people.  Mark always seemed like a news article, while Luke was an informal informational letter.  I will be exploring why I think each Gospel has these tendencies by looking at the scripture, not as a bits and pieces, but as a whole.  I will be using the New International Version of the Bible for this experiment.  It would be interesting to compare word-for-word and thought-for-thought versions of the Bible.

The Feeding of the 45,026

I love it when things in the Bible suddenly stand out to me that I hadn't noticed before.

Today while reading the KJV of Matthew's account of Jesus feeding the five thousand, something stood out to me. It says, "And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, besides women and children."

Notice, "besides women and children." This is what got me.

Now let's say each man had one wife and three kids.
1 man
1 wife
3 kids

Take all this, and multiply it by 5000 (the number of men).

We get...

5,000 men
5,000 women
15,000 kids.

Add all these up, and we get...(drumroll please)....25,000 people. Now, add in the 12 disciples and Jesus. 25,013 people fed.

Now, let's do the same for chapter 15's feeding of the 4000 men.

4,000 men
4,000 women
12,000 kids

We get a total of 20,000 people being fed. Now add the 12 disciples and Jesus. 20,013.

Add both chapter 14 and chapter 15's numbers together. Let's say that no person has been fed in both occasions, except the disciples and Jesus. We get, 45,026 people being fed.

So why do we say "the feeding of the 5,000" instead of the "feeding of the 37,000?"

Peace, Peace, There Is No Peace

I still applaud Mrs. Cook-Porter and Mrs. Ogle for being so calm on this day 12 years ago.  We all watched the Today Show on the old Zenith television set in the blue classroom near the door at Enterprise Elementary.  I remember drawing a picture of what I was seeing on the back of my homework (that picture is now lost).

Here's the church. Here's the steeple. Open the doors, and....

....see all the bickering, fighting, name-calling, war-mongering, and general chaos that is St. Matthew Lutheran Church, located in downtown Logan, Ohio, USA.

St. Matthew To Remain With ELCA....At Least For Another 2 Week

Last Sunday, the people of St. Matthew Lutheran Church in Logan, Ohio, spoke their voice when they voted down a measure to disaffiliate with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, and join the North American Lutheran Church.

I Decided To Go Ahead And Vote To Leave The ELCA

After lots of prayers during church today, I decided to go ahead and vote.  I realized that not voting because the church might dissolve is a pretty extreme circumstance that might happen.  I don't think the St. Matthew will dissolve.

I'm Hurt and Ashamed To Be A Lutheran

I'm hurt and ashamed to be a Lutheran Christian today because of what I experienced today at St. Matthew Lutheran "Church." Never in a million years would I think someone at a church would tell another person, "You need to be quiet and learn to listen." I don't care if you've been a member for 55+ years. That is NOT the way to act in church. You do not disrespect other people by yelling at them to shut up and learn to listen. I asked everyone to please be respectful, and that did NOT happen.

This decision to leave the ELCA has been nothing but trouble. I don't care what side you're on. BOTH SIDES SHOULD BE ASHAMED. What I experienced today at "church" makes me want to leave no matter what. 

This is why I will NOT be participating in the vote next week on whether St. Matthew Lutheran Church will leave the ELCA. I will NOT contribute to the downfall of a 161 year old institution.

Hymns and Christian Tradition Final Reflection

[This paper was written for the Hymns and Christian Tradition class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

Final Reflections

Before writing this paper, I was writing another reflection paper for the Music Business and Law class here at Capital University.  The assignment was to write a short reflection on the class, and what my future goals were going to be.  I wrote about how I used some of the components of the Music Business and Law class, as well as some aspects of this class, to compose two hymns, as well as register both with BMI and the United States Copyright office.  One hymn was sung at my church, Saint Matthew Lutheran Church, in Logan, Ohio, while the Collegiate Chorale at Christ Lutheran Church in Bexley, Ohio, performed the other hymn.  There’s nothing quite like having something you made be sung by 150 people at the same time. 

“I Want To Walk As A Child Of The Light”: A Journey of Discouragement and Comfort Within Christian Hymns

[This paper was written for the Hymns and Christian Tradition class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

“I Want To Walk As A Child Of The Light”: A Journey of Discouragement and Comfort Within Christian Hymns

Many people over the years have used hymns to express pain or grief, as well as comfort that they have received from having faith in Jesus Christ.  This paper will focus on discouragement and comfort within Christian hymnology.  Several hymns will be analyzed by detailing how these hymns applied to the age they were written in, and how they can apply today.  Most of the hymns will be coming from the Evangelical Lutheran Worship hymnal, which is the official hymnal of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America.  Other hymns and songs will be cited accordingly.

Hymn Analysis: "The Unclouded Day"

[This paper was written for the Hymns and Christian Tradition class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

NOTES

Hymn: “The Unclouded Day”

Tune Analyzed: UNCLOUDED DAY

Author: Josiah Kelly Alwood (1880)

Composer: Josiah Kelly Alwood (1880) (THE UNCLOUDED DAY) (THE UNCLOUDED DAY)

Topic(s): Hope, heaven

Article X

Click this for a paper I wrote on this last year.
Luther Versus Zwingli: A Critical Comparison of The Eucharist

Phillipp Melancthon wrote in 1530,

"To the readers, one and all, of these our writings: we are the electors, princes, and deputies of the Holy Roman Empire in Germany, supporters of the Augsburg Confession, who subscribed our names to that document.  We announce and declare- according to the dignity and rank of each person- our devotion, friendship, and greeting, combined with willing service." (McCain 3)

"All Hail The Pow'r Of Jesus' Name" Hymn Analysis

[This hymn analysis was written for the Hymns and Christian Tradition class that I am taking at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

And God Said......

These past couple of weeks have been really rough on me.  It all started with one large hymn analysis paper for my Hymns and Christian Tradition class that I am taking at Capital.

"Go To Dark Gethsemane" Hymn Analysis

[This paper was written for the Hymns and Christian Tradition class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

25 Things You May Not Know About Me

I talk a lot about my depression on here, but here are 22 other things you may not know about me.

1.) I'm obsessed with my hair.  I like to color it and grow it out.  (I was voted best hair in high school because of my obsession).  I'm also afraid of losing my hair.

2.) I want to get all my teeth replaced.

3.) I'm deathly afraid of heights.  I'm even more afraid of falling from such heights.

4.) You may know I'm a huge country music fan.  That's all I listened to when I grew up.  

However, I do have a soft spot for cheesy pop songs ("Call Me Maybe!")

5.) I'm very critical about my music.  I don't like performing my music in public by myself.  I'd rather perform with other people where I can kinda hide in the background.

6.) I'm a foodie, (in case you couldn't tell).

7.) I hate mushrooms. GROSS!

8.) I haven't drank any pop/soda/cola since December 31, 2012.  I haven't had any caffeinated pops, coffees, teas, since April 12, 2011.

9.) Lately, I've really gotten into composing hymns.

10.) Speaking of hymns, I have about 20 hymnals in my possession.

11.) If I could, I'd wear a suit and tie everyday.

12.) I'm obsessed with watches.

13.) I can't stand the sound of my voice.  I think I sound like I'm always talking and singing through a soup can.  I have voice problems from years of taking various medication, including Adderall which really dries the throat out.

14.) I'm celibate, and will remain so until marriage.

15.) I'm pretty good at sight-reading music, I think.

16.) I have eczema, a skin condition.  I get these red, flakey patches on my joints when it's too hot out or too cold.

17.) I hate touching my toes.

18.) I love dress shoes.  The higher the heel, the better. (Hello, Cuban Heels!)

19.) I love photography.

20.) I've met Tommy Cash.  Johnny's brother.....twice.....

21.) I have three albums recorded.....but you will never ever hear them.

22.) I love old electronics.  Gimme $500, and I'll go to the local antique store and buy a bunch of worthless crap just to say, "Hey!  I have one of those!"

23.) I love dogs!!!!!

24.) Favorite restaurant? Burger King.

25.) I like cussing because it's good to let your inner rage out in a non-violent way.

Safe travels!!!

My Soul, My Life, My All

[The following is an essay I wrote for the Hymns and Christian Tradition class at Capital University, where I am seeking a minor degree in religion.]

Jesse Harmon

RELIG 380

Dr. Bryant

January 9, 2013

My Soul, My Life, My All

            As a hymn lover, I find it very hard to pick a particular favorite hymn of mine. Old traditional hymns like “All Hail The Pow’r Of Jesus’ Name,” “Love Divine, All Loves Excelling,” or, “Rock Of Ages, Cleft For Me,” have special significance to me.  Popular hymns are what I call ‘pork chop’ hymns.  Everyone knows what pork chops taste like, and everyone knows what these hymns sound like.  Christmas hymns like “Joy To The World,” and “What Child Is This?” fall into this category.  Some of the newer hymns that I like are, “Oh Lord, My God, When I In Awesome Wonder (How Great Thou Art),” and, “Baptized In Water, Sealed By The Spirit.”  These hymns provoke thought in me.  Some lines from “How Great Thou Art,” include, “When Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation, And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart...Then I shall bow in humble adoration, and then proclaim, “My God How Great Thou Art!  Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee…”  (Lutheran Book of Worship 532).  Only God knows what joy I will be filled with when Jesus returns.

            There is one particular hymn that I am not a fan of, and I honestly don’t know why.  I don’t like the old hymn, “I Hear The Savior Say (Jesus Paid It All).”  I think I’ve narrowed down why, but I’ll get into that later.   The message of the song is fine.  “For nothing good have I, Whereby Thy grace to claim, I’ll wash my garments white, In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb,”  (jesuspaiditall.png). That, to me, is gorgeous poetry.  I couldn’t have come up with something better myself.  I once attended a particularly bad Bible study group, and this was one of the songs that they sung on occasion.  I figure this really boils down to my irrational prejudice against taking an old hymn like this, and reworking it to sound contemporary, (I’ve always had this thought that if I wanted to see a rock concert, I’ll go to Tootsies Bar on Friday and Saturday nights; not to church on Sunday mornings.)  This group I attended was awful for my pursuit of a relationship with Christ.  The people didn’t seem to want to take it seriously.  They had bad theology.  “Jesus Paid It All,” will forever, in my mind, be linked to this group, and it’s unfortunate that it is.  There is a minor 6^th (the words “it all,” and “a crim[son]” in the chorus).  This is somewhat difficult for me, as I have a tendency to overshoot notes at times.

            As I mentioned before, it’s hard for me to buckle down and pick a specific hymn that I like the most, although “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross,” first came to mind.  I have two versions of this hymn, one from the green Lutheran Book of Worship (copyright 1978), and another from the cranberry Evangelical Lutheran Worship hymnal (copyright 2006).  In the green LBW, the hymn setting is “Rockingham Old,” by Edward Miller, (number 482).  I am more used to singing this one in church because we still use these hymnals fairly regularly, (alongside With One Voice, and the Baptist inspired Worship Hymnal, published by LifeWay Christian Resources).  Two semesters ago in April 2012, the Chordsmen, the all-male ensemble at Capital University, and the Women’s Chorus at Capital University did a version of “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross,” that used the tune, “Hamburg,” by Lowell Mason.  I realized how much better a tune this was than “Rockingham.”  I pulled out the ELW and found “Hamburg” in it, (number 803).   I find “Hamburg” to be easier to sing to the lyrics.  In “Rockingham,” the note for the word ‘died’ is suspended over into the next beat, which I find more difficult at the end of a phrase.  It sounds as if the singer stumbled on a rock and fell.  There are also some difficult intervals in this version such as on the word ‘count but,’ which goes from a D to an F, (major 6^th) to a G#, (minor 3^rd).  There is no larger interval in “Hamburg” than a major 3^rd.  Everything seems to fit together perfectly. “Rockingham,” sounds like it was written at one time, and the lyrics were written at another time, and then slopped together and stuck in a book.  “Hamburg” seems to have been written with the lyrics. 

            The Gilbert Martin version that the Chordsmen and Women’s Chorus sang was absolutely beautiful.  I knew this would be one that stuck with me forever. It slowly builds to the final “My soul, my life, my all!”  When we did this in April of 2012, I knew it would be a while before I sang in a choir for a long time.  I was taking a semester off from Capital University to attend another school for a while, and then go to Nashville, Tennessee for an internship at a recording studio.  There were many times that I wonder, “Why am I doing this?  What is the point in all this college crap?”  I sometimes feel God say, “I understand.  I know what you’re going through.”  Then I remember the opening verse to this hymn, “When I survey the wondrous cross, on which the prince of glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.”  Why do I stress about sissy stuff like college work, when God put his very own son to death? 

Both hymns deal with Jesus’ death on the cross, and how his love for us put him on it.  “Sin had left a crimson stain, he washed it white as snow,” comes from “Jesus Paid It All.”  “Sorrow and love flow mingled down…” comes from verse from “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross.”  Paul says to the city of Corinth, “For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures…” (1 Corinthians 15:3).  These two hymns express what Paul, and many people for two thousand years have been saying; Jesus died for you.  I think, as a nation, we are trying to shove the cross away from us, when we really need to bring it back, and remember why Jesus died on it, and why God put his own son to death.  Jesus did this for you.  He died for me.  He died for Lowell Mason.  He died for 26 children killed last month in Connecticut, their families, and for everyone.  If the whole world could be mine, it would not be as big a gift as the extraordinary love that Jesus had when he put down his life, and rose again, for me.

Works Cited

 Evangelical Lutheran Worship. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress, 2006. Print.

"Jesus Paid It All." Jesus Paid It All. CyberHymnal, 21 Oct. 2007. Web. 08 Jan. 2013.

jesuspaiditall.png. N.d. Free HymnalWeb. 8 Jan 2013.       <http://www.freehymnal.com/png/jesuspaiditall.png>.

 Lutheran Book of Worship. Minneapolis: Augsburg Pub. House, 1978. Print.