And God Said......

These past couple of weeks have been really rough on me.  It all started with one large hymn analysis paper for my Hymns and Christian Tradition class that I am taking at Capital.



About the same time for a business class, I was assigned to join a group of classmates to create a fake business plan, and present said business plan to "investors."  This included all the bells and whistles: finding a building, finding money, advertising, marketing, the whole shebang.

A large two-day recording session took place last weekend that really drained me.  This past week, the video class that I'm in started a new project, which we completed some of it today.  Then came another hymn analysis project, (this will be posted tomorrow around noon).

It's hard to stay positive when you don't have time to sit and think about being positive.  I've been running around doing this and that, working 25 hours a day for 14 days.


I usually go to bed around midnight, and I try to get up at 6:00am so I can go to the gym.  I haven't had any pop/soda/cola since December 31, 2012, and I've given up potatoes for Lent.  I'm down 20 pounds since the beginning of the year, yet.....I don't feel different.....I don't feel any healthier.

And to top that off, many of my high school classmates are getting married.....and I'm starting to feel lonely.....

It's tough to find a relationship when you don't even have time for yourself.....I guess I've put off having relationships because I focus too much on my work/school/advancing my career.  Is that bad?  Is that unhealthy for me?  I asked God why I'm not happy.  I asked him why I have depression.  I got mad at him.  I told him I hated him for making me this way.....He pissed me off.....I then went to sleep angry.

I woke up angry this morning.  I went to church angry.  I sang in choir while I was angry.  I took communion while I was angry.  I drove back to school while I was angry.  I filmed for my video project while I was angry.  I took out my anger on several people today....

I went to rehearsal for the Capital Chordsmen while I was angry.  I sang a little while I was angry.....then God's 2x4 hit me right in the middle of this song......

"Father Of Light"

And God said, "I don't owe you anything."

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.