HuffPost: 5 Things To Say and 5 Things NOT To Say

In the wake of this tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, Huffington Post posted an article describing 5 things to say to children, and 5 things NOT to say.  Here is a summary of the article.

5 Things NOT To Say:

1. "God just needed another angel."

Not a good idea.  Little children may think that someone dying means they become an angel.  So, when grandma dies, she becomes an angel.  This is NOT true.  Matthew 22:30 says, "For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven."  Angels are not super humans.  Angels are messengers from God.  Although the specific time frame was never specified in the Bible about when angels were created, we DO know that God created them.  Colossians  1:16-17 says,  “For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created by Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”  No, grandma is not an angel.  

2. "Thank goodness you have other children," or, "You're young. You can have more kids."

This is simply a horrific thing to say to a grieving parent.  It's like saying, "Don't worry.  Kids can be easily replaced."

3. He/she was just on loan to you from God.

Apparently, God uses his power to create some happiness for you, and then decided to take your happiness away simply because he can.

4. God doesn't give you more than you can handle.

Really?  Why does God allow your neighbor's wife to leave him right after losing his children in a house fire, all the while after losing his job?

5. We may not understand it, but this was God's will.

How do you know God's will?

5 Things We Should Say

1. I don't believe God wanted this or willed it.

No, God doesn't want us to suffer.  God has feelings too.  He gets upset.

2. It's okay to be angry, and I'm a safe person for you express that anger to if you need it.

Be the friend that they can talk to about whatever needs to be talked about.   In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote in her book, On Death and Dying, that there are 5 stages of grief.  

1.) Denial:  I feel fine.

2.) Anger:   Why me!?  It's not fair!

3.) Bargaining:  I'll do this to have a few more years to say goodbye.  

4.) Depression:  Why even bother going on?  Just end it now.

5.) Acceptance:  It's ok.  I can't fight this, so I might as well prepare for it.

3.  It's not okay.

It's really not okay to lose 30 people in a school shooting.  Any sane person can deduce that.

4.  I don't know why it happened.

This is just being honest.  If you're looking to me for answers, YOU'VE DEFINITELY COME TO THE WRONG PLACE. 

5. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am here to support you in whatever way feels best.

Just be a friend.

Please pray for those affected by not only this tragedy, but those affected by the tragedies of similar proportions in the past.