2 Esdras 16.75:
Do not fear or doubt, for God is your guide.
Ok folks. I have a confession. Ever since dad's surgery, I've had serious doubts about the Lord's presence in me. I have been feeling empty and pushed away from God for a long time now.
I talked with Anthony just a few moments ago about what I was feeling, (or lack thereof). I also told him of my doubting of other things, such as when a petition was passed around Fully Alive tonight that would ask Capital University Programming to stop playing current hit songs for the Wednesday dinner. I asked myself, "Why are we worrying about little things like this? Why are we not spending more time thinking about those who are oppressed, those in Egypt, or those who are ill?"
Anthony explained to me that it's the little things, as well as the big things that matter in God's eyes. He explained that the little things like that can lead to bigger things in the future. I understood that perfectly.
In June or July of 2008, Luther Mowery, the sound engineer of St. Matthew Lutheran Church at that time, was on vacation the week of the Vacation Bible School. I opted to run the sound for the service that week for the VBS program. When Luther passed away in August of 2009, I was called upon to be Luther's replacement as sound engineer of the church. I believe that the one Sunday I was substituting at the sound board was a little decision that changed my life. I am now in college studying to be a sound engineer for the rest of my life.
Only mom, dad, Kylen, John, and Steph know this but in September of 2008, I was in a downward spiral, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I was dealing with a lot of issues concerning schooling, family, and friends. I had previously been diagnosed with severe depression just a few years earlier, but the medications that I was taking weren't working. I attempted suicide on September 17, 2008 in my home outside of Logan, (thankfully I was treated and released from the hospital the same night). By that time I was just going to church just to go to church. Nothing was inspiring. God was a thousand miles away from me at that point, and I didn't really care. I eventually did get therapy and I was put on another medication.
Lately, I've started feeling the same way about God, (not ending my life). I've felt like I've been pulling away from him for a long time. I haven't been going to church at either St. Matthew Lutheran Church or Christ Lutheran Church for fear of everyone coming up to me to ask about how my dad is doing, (it gets kind of annoying when you have to explain the same thing ten times). This was why I talked with Anthony tonight. I wanted reassurance from someone else that God is with me and will always be with me.
Luke 24.38:
He said to them, ‘Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts?
Why am I frightened? Why does doubt arise in my heart? I don't know, but I DO know that I want it to stop, and I want it to stop NOW.
James 1.6-7
But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
Help me to not doubt so much. Help me to not rebel so much against authority. Help me.
"Let The Lower Lights Be Burning" by Philip P. Bliss
I feel this hymn, metaphorically, is what I need. I couldn't see the Lighthouse, (God), but I hope that with your help, I will be able to once again. I don't want to crash my boat on the shore. I want to see the light again.By Warren Shiver
Those who live by the sea or on a large body of water, understand better than the folks that have never seen or been on the ocean, and seen the powerful waves crashing on the shore, the Biblical accounts of stories that involve the Sea of Galilee.Those who have had first hand experiences on a ship or boat sing with more understanding the hymns that speak of the Christian experience in nautical terms.
Rev. Dwight L. Moody, one of the greatest evangelists of the nineteenth century told a story in one of his sermons of a ship nearing the Lake Erie harbor at Cleveland, Ohio. It was a stormy night and the waves were high. Seeing only the lights from the lighthouse, the Captain asked the Pilot, “Are you sure this is Cleveland?” “Quite sure”, replied the Pilot. “But”, said the Captain, “where are the lower lights, the lights along the shore?” The Pilot replied calmly, “They’ve gone out sir.” He assured the Captain that they could make the harbor, and turned the wheel, but in the darkness, they missed the channel and crashed upon the rocks. Many passengers drowned and with this illustration, Rev. Moody concluded his sermon with this comment, “Beloved the Master will take care of the great Lighthouse. Let us keep the Lower Lights burning.”
Phillip P. Bliss, a well-known music teacher, hymn writer, and Christian leader that night listened to Rev. Moody’s sermon intently and the Holy Spirit spoke to him and shortly after the sermon ended, he picked up his pen and began writing both words and music to “Let the Lower Lights Be Burning”. The hymn was first published in 1871 in a Sunday school hymnal. Bliss’s hymn became exceedingly popular, even inland where the people could not relate to the meaning of the Lighthouse, or the "Lower lights along the shore". Churches throughout the land began singing this hymn and it blessed millions of people. Unfortunately it has been dropped from many hymnals in our churches today, and only the older folks in the congregation still remember this powerful message. I could only hope that it would have a revival in our churches today, so that our young people could enjoy this great message and hymn.
