It didn't really hit me that Paul's death actually happened until I was driving down to Athens, Ohio, today to attend the memorial service. I nearly crashed when I realized that he was gone for good. There will be no more friendly, funny, stubborn Pastor Paul. I got angry. I got very angry. I don't know what I got angry at. But I directed my anger toward God. Pastor Paul had a kidney/pancreas transplant a few years back, and was forced to retire from the pastoral ministry at St. Matthew Lutheran Church in Logan, Ohio. He was still an active member of the Christian community. He was even seeking a doctorate degree at Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Columbus, Ohio. He was very sick for a very long time, and it took its toll on his body. His mind was still strong though. I figured that since he survived the transplant, and the heart attack a few years later, he could survive anything. This was why I was angry. Pastor Paul survived two devastating heath setbacks, but dies randomly and out of the blue...
I cursed God, yelling at him...telling him how I hated what was done. Then I remembered the most impactful thing that Pastor Paul ever said. It was August in 2011, at another funeral for Sarah Starner, a young woman in the Logan community that died after battling leukemia for about ten years. Pastor Paul was giving a eulogy for her when he said this, "It's perfectly okay to be angry with God, because God is big enough to take your anger, and still love you."
If there was one thing I learned from Pastor Paul, it's that God is big and so loving, that he will take our anger and deal with it in a loving, kind, way.
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| Rest in Peace, Pastor Paul. |
